this is a spaceholder for The Mothers’ Way gift (not yet pretty and formatted)

Mothers’ Way: Three Core Underpinnings

(1) The world needs us mothers.

• We have medicine that this world desperately needs, and that because we have not been taught this, because we have not been encouraged to see and to know this, we have not cultivated our capacity to listen to the medicine that we carry. But we do. We carry it.

• We need (and get) to listen, to turn inward, to attune to both our own individual knowing, and through our deep listening to each other, to our collective knowing.

• Consider: What is it that we know, as mothers, about how to reweave this deeply broken world? 

• We start here. 

• And then we ask: what is mine to do?

(2) We mothers need the village. 

• When the village is intact, our healing powers are amplified. 

• And possibly, in societies where moms have more connection with one another, society is more just and caring.

(3) Fractal: what we do in small ways impacts the large.

• We need not reach perfection

• We need not do it all

• It is more than okay to function within our very real limits as moms – in fact, it’s essential to honor our limits. 

• Bigger is not better. Small, sustainable, daily acts are what build the world we live in.

Principles of the Mothers’ Way

1. Acknowledge and make space for pluralism - in ourselves and in our communities. Acknowledge difference in the midst of our togetherness. As a practice. What are the differences, the pluralities we contain? In ancestry. Class. Able-bodied-ness. Neurodiversity. Life experiences. Dispositions. Paths. Skills.

• The more we can make space for pluralistic ways of being and existing, the more we honor life, the more we care for life.

• Connection to IFS – our parts. Make space, hold them with warmth and curiosity. The same for differences in our community. Make space, approach with warmth and curiosity. 

• A particular invitation to notice and get curious as to who we are beyond the flattening blanket of “whiteness.” What is the way that whiteness has erased our pluralistic identities and places of belonging?

1. Notice patriarchy

• Patriarchy presents fundamentally as disconnection – from our selves, each other, and from the earth – as numbing and the masking of vulnerability, and as shaming vulnerability in others 

• Notice the interlocking systems of oppression – patriarchy, white supremacy, capitalism.

• Get curious about how these show up for us personally. 

• Where have we numbed ourselves in relationship to the truth in ourselves, to the truth in our communities, and the truth in our world? 

• What is the aliveness and the vulnerability inside of us that have been pushed down, and what might it look like to name and to speak them, and to allow them to move through?

1. Tend to your grief.

1. Our healing as moms - and global healing - requires that we learn to notice, trust, and make space for our feelings, and to trust that they point to legitimate needs. It is essential that we make space for our grief and our rage.

1. Reclaim your vision.

1. From here, we can turn toward and reclaim our vision.

1. I say reclaim because I believe we already know and hold a vision for the kind of world we’d like to live in, but so many of us have buried it so deep inside because the cognitive dissonance is too much. The reality lies so far away from our vision for our communities and the world, that it’s “easier” to push it down and numb it out.

2. Reclaiming our vision is immensely vulnerable. It means daring to open to our heart’s longing at the risk of being devastated, yet again, every damn day. 

3. And yet it’s tremendously powerful. From our vision comes our inspiration. From our inspiration comes our words and action. From our words and action comes change. 

4. As part of this, we practice shifting our attention and energy from what we are against to what we are for.

1. Remember and embody the qualities of the Mothers’ Way

1. This is Archetypal Mother’s way of attending to conflict, to harm, and relationship.

2. Examples:

1. Protection of all the world’s children as our own children

2. Seeing all life as sacred

3. Assuming everyone’s belonging (pluralism)

4. Prioritizing relationship

5. Being here for everyone’s healing and well-being

1. Identify the Mothers’ Call that lives in you.

1. Identify your Mother’s Call (“what is yours to do?”) in relationship to your vision. 

1. What are your gifts, strengths, the things you do that you don’t even know that you do that are a contribution to life?

2. These are both ways of being, and specific actions we might take

2. But before we get to taking action… The importance of honoring our limits.

1. Patriarchy says 

1. don’t have limits. Patriarchy tells us to push past, override, keep going, push harder, do more, go faster, ignore ignore ignore our humanity.

2. Patriarchy teaches us to override and dismiss our needs. Patriarchy tells us to give from an empty cup. This is not our medicine. Giving from an empty cup is not okay. 

3. Patriarchy tells us we are not enough. Patriarchy teaches us that we are insufficient, that we have to do more, and get more, to be enough.

2. Our medicine of the Mothers’ Way says: 

1. Communally, fill the cups! Fill the cups! Meet the basic needs! For childcare, for maternity leave, for pregnancy leave, for higher education, for job training, for healthcare! For mom’s groups! Mom’s community! Fill the cups!

2. Individually, honor our needs. Work with life inside of us, not against it.

3. Practice enoughness. Dare to love ourselves, right where we are, declaring the sanctity, and mattering, and worthiness of life – of our life - right where we are.

3. Consider what is yours to do.

1. How do we work with life, with our needs, not against them, as we consider what is ours to do… particularly now, in response to the crises of our times?

2. Come back to the qualities of the Mothers’ Way

1. Examples

• Caring for and protection of our children

• Treating all life as sacred

• Including. Offering universal belonging.

• Practicing revolutionary love (“See no stranger.” Everyone who is suffering is part of our family.)

• Cultivating authentic relationships (“Critical connections over critical mass.”)

• Practicing transformative justice (justice aimed at the root cause, not just the behavior)

• Leading with curiosity

• Tending to relationship with the more-than-human world (nature, spirits, ancestors, our sense of God)

1. Acknowledge your existing practices.

1. “We are always practicing something. Without intention, we are usually practicing what the dominant society wants us to…” ~ Adrienne Maree Brown

2. “Name your personal practices to each other within your group. This may include practices around decolonizing your life; studying Black feminist thinkers; living a zero-waste existence; practices around mindfulness and spirit, body health, and exercise; focusing; organizing life, or practices around being present with friends, family.” [When we name these aloud, we] “make it so that the relationships and formations you are in are places to practice liberation.” ~ Adrienne Maree Brown

3. Ask: What are one or two of your current practices that embody a quality of the Mothers’ Way / mothering?

2. Dream into new practices.

1. How how can we begin to create new practices, new fractals, fractals that will ripple out and inspire others?

1. “Small patterns… proliferate change.” ~ Adrienne Maree Brown

2. “Put on your 500 year boots.” ~ Daniel Foor 

2. Ask: In light of what’s happening in our world today, and in our nation today, is there an existing practice you feel called to deepen, or a new practice or action step that you want to take on, that reflects one of these qualities? 

3. Consider micro-steps and practices that honor your limits and your true capacity.