Busy, Pissed, and Grieving:
6 Ways Moms Can Contribute to the Revolution

1. Notice what doesn’t get spoken.

Make space for truth and vulnerability.
Messy, ugly, unkempt, un-cute.

All the un-put-together feelings that arise in relationship to:

• The news

• Parenting

• Work relationships

• Intimate relationships

When we dare to see what typically gets pushed down in our busy bee lives,
when we dare to feel what gets numbed out amidst the everyday hubbub and overwhelm,
we uproot patriarchy.

Patriarchy is the numbing and disconnection from ourselves, each other, and the earth.

When we dare to feel and notice,
we begin to uproot the poison of patriarchy that keeps us separate and apart.

It can be 2 minutes:

• While you’re going to the bathroom

• Or in the shower

• While you’re driving

ASK:

• What have I numbed out?

• What would it sound like if I could speak it?

• What would it feel like to let it be seen?

2. Make space for difference

Patriarchy flattens us and tells us there’s one way to be — a good way — and everything and everyone else is less than. It’s a whole lotta hooey, and we gotta combat it with intention and practice. This applies both communally and personally.

Within your communities, Ask:

• Who’s in the room/community/nation-state in terms of ancestry, class, able-bodiedness, neurodiversity, life experiences, dispositions, paths, skills, and more?

• How can I approach this person, group, and/or other specie of creature(!) with curiosity and wonder?

  The more we create space for diverse ways of being and existing, the more we honor and care for life itself.

Within yourself, ask:

• What part of me is thinking/feeling/acting this way?

• Do I have parts that feel something else?

It’s essential to acknowledge pluralism not just in the world around us or within our communities, but also within ourselves! When we practice welcoming difference—in ourselves and in the world—we create space for life instead of othering it, denying or suppressing it, or confronting it with force or violence. Through this, we embody the inclusive, accessible, and collectively empowering world we aspire to live in.

Example:

• “A part of me is enraged and wants to flood the streets with protesters every day until this situation is resolved” AND “a part of me is exhausted and just wants to hide under the covers for eternity.”

• “A part of me has had it up to here with my kid’s whining and meltdowns, and wants to walk out the door” AND “a part of me knows that patience, presence, and empathy are what she needs more than my criticism and blame.”

Welcome your contradictions! Hold your various, even polarizing, parts with warmth and curiosity.

Note for white privileged mothers, there is a particular invitation to explore and question who we are beyond the flattening effect of “whiteness.” Reflect on how whiteness has erased our pluralistic identities and places of belonging. Ask: beyond whiteness, from where are my people? What are/were their cultural ways, practices, and beliefs?

3. Tend to Your Grief

Our healing as moms — and the healing of the world — depends on our ability to notice, trust, and make space for our feelings, recognizing that they point to legitimate needs. It is essential to create room for both our grief and our rage.

Why?
“[A]s people participating in movements… we have to learn to give each other more time to feel, to be in our humanity.... Because that is what we are creating, a world where we can feel ourselves and each other and do less harm and generate more freedom.” - Adrienne Maree Brown

Grief often remains unspoken, tucked away quietly alongside diapers and old dish towels. Yet, this grief holds a powerful key: it can midwife the birth of a new world. When we have the courage to fully feel our heartbreak, we open the door for new life and renewal.

Practical Ways to Tend Your Grief:

Say to yourself, “I am mourning… (fill in the blank).”

• 2 minutes: Touch the ground beneath you and acknowledge your devastation.

• 2 minutes: Sit quietly at your altar, connecting with your longing for a world that makes sense.

• 5 minutes: Close the bathroom door, stand under the shower, and allow yourself to cry. Make this a sacred space — even brief moments count.

Remember:
Feel the presence of larger forces around you — the nurturing nature beings, your wise ancestors, and the sacred essence supporting you — accompanying you as you face the place where your heart has broken.

4. Reclaim Your Vision

The deeper we allow ourselves to feel and grieve the absence of the world we yearn for, the more we till the soil within, planting seeds for new ways of being to emerge. It is through the currents of our grief that we find the strength to reclaim our vision.

Reclaiming this vision is an act of courage and vulnerability. It means risking heartbreak daily by opening your heart to its most profound longings. Yet, in this very act lies immense power.

From our vision springs inspiration. This inspiration shapes our words and actions, which in turn cultivate real, tangible change in our communities.

We call it reclaiming because this vision is already within us. We are simply daring to feel it fully, to truly know it, and to give it voice. It is a retrieval of the innate wisdom you carry—the deep knowing of what is possible for our world.

When we reclaim our vision, we shift our focus from resistance to creation. This capacity can be nurtured: instead of merely opposing what is, we ask, “What do we want to bring into being?”

Take a moment to journal or speak aloud:

• “I long for a home where…”

• “I see a community where…”

• “I’m calling into a world where…”

Dare to envision a world where the power rests with the mothers.

5. Identify the Mothers’ Call That Lives in You

a) Qualities of the Mothers’ Way

(This is a non-comprehensive list—feel free to add your own!)

• Caring for and protecting children

• Seeing all of life as sacred

• Assuming everyone’s belonging, with the sense that “we are all welcome at the table of life”

• Supporting vulnerability and honesty

• Tending our relationships (“Critical connections over critical mass.” ~ Adrienne Maree Brown)

• Practicing transformative justice (justice aimed at root causes—one’s pain or false beliefs—not just behavior)

• Being here for everyone’s healing

• Leading with curiosity

• Cultivating relationships with the more-than-human world (nature, spirits, ancestors, or your sense of God)

b) Acknowledge Your Existing Practices

• Identify one or two current practices that already embody a quality of the Mothers’ Way.

• Reflect on your gifts and strengths—those things you do naturally and with ease that contribute to life around you.

• If it’s difficult to see your own gifts clearly, try imagining how a friend or someone who appreciates your presence might describe you.

• Remember, these represent both ways of being and specific actions you might take.

c) Dream Into New Practices

Consider how you can begin creating new practices or fractals that ripple outward and inspire others.

• Reflect on the wisdom:

  • “Small patterns… proliferate change.” ~ Adrienne Maree Brown

  • “Put on your 500 year boots.” ~ Daniel Foor

• Ask yourself: “In light of my vision, what is mine to do?”

  • In light of your vision for your community, your nation, or the earth at large, is there an existing practice you feel called to deepen, or a new practice or action step you want to embrace—one that reflects the qualities of the Mothers’ Way?

  • Focus on micro-steps and small but intentional practices that honor your limits and true capacity.

6. Honor Your Limits as a Practice

Patriarchy says

Don’t have limits.

It urges us to push past, override, and keep going—pushing harder, doing more, going faster—ignoring our humanity. It teaches us to dismiss our needs and give from an empty cup. But this is not our medicine. Giving from an empty cup is not okay.

You are not enough.

It convinces us that we must do more and acquire more to be worthy.

Our medicine, the Mothers’ Way, offers a different message:

Communally, fill the cups!

Meet the basic needs of all — for childcare, maternity leave, pregnancy leave, higher education, job training, healthcare, mom’s groups, and mom’s community. Fill the cups!

Individually, your needs matter!

Work with life inside of you, not against it. Practice enoughness. Dare to love yourself exactly as you are, embracing the sanctity, worthiness, and significance of your life right now.

Remember, you don’t have to do it all. Consider the concept of “fractal” (emphasized by Adrienne Maree Brown): what we do in small ways profoundly impacts the larger whole.

We don’t need to reach perfection.

We don’t need to do it all.

Remember: it is more than okay — it’s essential — that you function within our real, human limits.

Bigger is not better.

Small, sustainable, daily acts are what build the world you want to live in.

** When you remember to respect your limits, you help to dismantle patriarchy and to build a world that serves life.**

~

I hope these 6 practices are helpful to you. I would love to hear from you — what works? What doesn’t? What are you discovering about how to contribute to our collective liberation while caring for your very real, human needs and limitations?

Message me at marina@shamelessheart.com

With love and respect for your heartbreak, your rage, and all the ways you long for a world that cares for life….

Marina